nothing is awkward or cheesy if you dont give a fuck. im on this earth to have a good time not to be seen as cool
+ 372906
- jeff bezos didn’t sign a pre-nup
- and cheated on his wife of 25 years with a married woman
- and washington state is a community property state, meaning that all assets acquired during a marriage are divided equally upon divorce
- meaning that jeff bezos has to give his wife half of his net worth
- and he is presently worth $137 billion
- and half of $137 billion is roughly
- $69 billion
+ 87248
you’ve gotta start romanticizing your life. you gotta start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new. you have to, because that’s when you start truly living. that’s when you look forward to every day.
+ 308149
engineer 1: we need a name for the front of the plane where the pilots sit
engineer 2: dick hole
engineer 1: hmm…almost
+ 43673
men will PURPOSELY ask you things in a condescending tone and then act surprised when you get an attitude like “i wasn’t trying to start an argument” yes you were travis shut the fuck up
+ 123445
I have this really bad habit of sending two unrelated texts back to back but bridging them with an “also”
So it’ll be like “hey have you seen this funny tweet” quickly followed by “also the news said polio is back”
+ 233943
